New Music!

So my objective is to have at least an EP finished before the summer ends. I have about 2 months, so we’ll see. 

Crawl, Walk, Run? pt 1

For as long as I can remember I’ve never been one to follow the concept of crawl, walk, and run. It was just never my style…I always wanted to test myself and see how well I could produce the best results when everyone said, “You can’t do that yet.” Never really enjoyed the word “cant”. Just seems like a bunch of mystery that I wasn’t willing to explore. You can’t not ever do something (yes it makes sense). It’s everyone against me, or everyone with me. I always seemed to do well with everyone against me. But these days are quite different than they used to be. I seem to have a heart after all, and care. I’ve surprised even MYSELF these past  few years. She really doesn’t know what a great change and influence she had on me. Although I’m over things, I very much appreciate the situations that were present that helped me see who I was and how things needed to change. 

Now here were are today, I’m not self-centered, well for the better 90 percent of me. I’m a team player now. I make sacrifices for others and don’t ask for anything in return. I’ve done a lot these past years to make people happy and contribute to the “fight” or whatever it is to help get things done. I see some of my friends getting down because of others and their mistreatings, and I’m there to try my best to make them happy. I really, really try. For some, it feels like I’m being taken advantage of, and others it seems like they don’t care that I care to be there and make them happy. I guess I just try and wonder why shit isn’t mutual. If I can make sacrifices for others, why can’t they make them for me? It’s mind boggling I tell you…

Father….that situation. Where to fucking begin???? Lets start with, you have never been a father. Never there, not even once. I remember when you and mom were still together, well that’s what it look like at least. But at the time I was too young to see things the way they were. You know, the part about you cheating on her with V the entire time we were down there? While mom was at working having that woman come over…fucking low dude…You never once picked me up from daycare and school. Not once did you buy the toys the other kids on base had. Even when that rare fish bit my toe and after it was published on the AFB paper and local paper, you bragged about it, not really caring about me. As we grew up, promising things that you’d never deliver on. Breaking my poor little young heart. Always setting me up, every fucking time, to believe that, “today dad’s going to come through, he’s really going to be there.” I can only imagine how heavy mom’s heart has been over these years watching her sons suffer your wrath of failing to be a father and a man. I could go on for days clearly pointing out your failures, but I won’t. I’m trying not to be so bitter. I’m just letting go. Realizing that the only true fathers were my mother’s brothers. Taking on that burden with open arms. They taught me how to be a man. I love my family. I was raised so right and just thinking about it makes me feel like I can do anything. You know, that “crawl, walk, and run” attitude. I got it from them. To only do great things. To always try more than my best and that there are always great options out there. I write about you, dad, because I won’t be like you, like how were just like your father. I will break that cycle. This is why I let go. If there is anything you can accept and understand about me, it should be this.

Looking ahead to the future. It seems very promising. Doing it mostly on my own with the help of mother. I know my brother and I make her very proud and she is partly the reason I run. I cannot accept failure because i know just like in my eyes, she see nothing but great things from me. These next few years will be tough, but I have reforged my motivation. It’s ok if people come and go in my life. I know the ones that matter, are the ones who go through the shit with me. Good times are easy to have with someone, but can you honestly go through tough times with me? Cause when they’re tough, they’re rugged. 

I’m too tired to type anymore right now, I guess I’ll continue this another time.

Cool electro playlist i came across.

The Flight of Apollo

I’m floating, and somethings reaching out.
Vibrations, can you hear them now?
Please help us, were running out of time.
My brothers, we are deathly out of line.
I feel you, on a far off distant land.
We fucked up, let’s give ourselves a hand.
It’s over. From the heavens on down,
Heard footsteps, God’s coming around.

I’ve got an ache like a cat thief’s got an alarm.
It’s gotta’ sound like a gunshot over and over.
I’ve gotta’ voice so lost off back in my head,
It takes the heart rate up then down even lower.
I’ve got my friends face down like a kid in the dark.
They’ve got the same fear built up more even more.
I let my eyes bright up like I’m predator sharp,
To let my mind close down every hour by hour.

Finally, I get this feeling were all alone in one big world
Just to realize that all these shapes and colors are
So it doesn’t hurt so badly.
So life doesn’t hurt, doesn’t hurt so badly,
So life doesn’t hurt, doesn’t hurt so badly.
Please don’t look at life, look at me so sadly.
Life shouldn’t hurt, doesn’t hurt so badly.

Do you feel light shine in the darkest of nights,
Or does the pain stack up from the skin to the core?
Do you find every time that you cover your eyes
To keep the tears held up, dripping down even more?
You let the words cut down every lie, dent, and sigh,
And put the young flames out that make you cower and cower.
If the sun breaks in instead of sparking the sigh,
I promise you, I’ll be here to let the light in.

Finally, I get this feeling were all alone in one big world
Just to realize that all these shapes and colors are
So it doesn’t hurt so badly.
So life doesn’t hurt, doesn’t hurt so badly,
So life doesn’t hurt, doesn’t hurt so badly.
Please don’t look at life, look at me so sadly.
Life shouldn’t hurt, doesn’t hurt so badly.

I’m floating, and somethings reaching out
Vibrations, can you hear them now?
Please help us, from the heavens look down,
Heard footsteps, God’s coming around.

So life doesn’t hurt, doesn’t hurt so badly,
So life doesn’t Hurt, doesn’t hurt so badly,
Please don’t look at life, look at me so sadly.
Life shouldn’t hurt, doesn’t hurt so badly.

I’ve got an ache like a cat thief’s got an alarm.
It’s gotta’ sound like a gunshot over and over.
I’ve gotta’ voice so lost off back in my head,
It takes the heart rate up then down even lower.
I’ve got my friends face down like a kid in the dark.
They’ve got the same fear built up more even more.
I let my eyes bright up like I’m predator sharp,
To let my mind close down every hour by hour.

Do you feel light shine in the darkest of nights,
Or does the pain stack up from the skin to the core?
Do you find every time that you cover your eyes
To keep the tears held up, dripping down even more?
You let the words cut down every lie, dent, and sigh,
And put the young flames out that make you cower and cower.
If the sun breaks in instead of sparking the sigh,
I promise you, I’ll be here to let the light in.

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

being born, actually. You?

So my summer ends…

Well…I’ve had such a great summer. Where to begin. Went to Field Training, met great people. So great, I ended up traveling to one of their hometowns to visit for a weekend (spur of the moment too). Spent a week doing orientation for new cadets entering AFROTC, it was my first display of POCness. Needless to say, it was fucking awesome!! LOL. UIC starts tomorrow and yet another semester of Air Force rotc. Can’t wait, to be quite honest. Let’s see how it goes. Looking forward to finishing these last 3 years of college strong. 2 down, 3 to go…it’s gone by fast, so far. Can’t wait to pin those gold bars on my shoulders. 

Later All!